today's song

All about the journey. If you end up in the right place, but don't know how you got there...then it wasn't YOUR right place....yet....

Let Me Be Myself 3 Doors Down

I guess I just got lost being someone else,
I tried to kill the pain
But nothing ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around
and find myself some day

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Would you Let Me Be Myself
Coz I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world I knew
And take back all of these times
That I gave in to you

Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's OK, tell me please
Would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

That's all I ever wanted from this world
Was to let me be me..

Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself
Please, would you one time,
Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself,
For a while
If you don't mind,
Let Me Be Myself
So I can shine,
with my own light
Let Me Be Myself

Balance

The power we give our words.

The spin we put on our life occurrences and perceptions with the language we choose to describe them.

We throw out words..

nouns, verbs, adjectives that lock us in unknowingly to continue our groundhog day.

For example 

BALANCE.

In our culture, balance is something we try to achieve by spinning our plates so nothing falls. Ensuring that all of our dysfunction looks tidy and organized into a certain acceptable package. 

Yet true balance...

is using those emotions and challenges to catapult us out of stuckness.

 No repackaging.

 Letting it rise up and move through. 

To use our ups and downs, our highs and lows as wake up calls to bring us back to center. 

Another fave

UNRAVELING

An idea that frightens us to our core.

 Our facades are cracking..

we are losing it...

we can't do it anymore....

Unraveling is the greatest gift I found.

Unraveling finally means finally taking it all down. 

All those years of leaning to the left, ducking to the right to stay stuck and in pain so no one could see me.

 Safe sweet spots that hurt.

A final unwinding of those layers of veils and labels that defined me 

layers from judgements, fear, mistakes, pain and an endless search.

The unraveling, with all its pain, reveals the true self.

clean and pure...

that has been quietly waiting to be revealed..

all this time...

And on the floor I step out from the old suit I no longer need..

peer over my shoulder

smile gently at the floor.

A deep breath

 I walk forward whistling a happy tune

into that vast empty space waiting for the real ME to fill it

Another soundtrack song....

Another Soundtrack Song:
New Soul Yael Naim
I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end
Cause' you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take your far away.

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la....

blank canvas....what color will I be??

A Settled Heart

A settled heart. When your heart feels like it rests where it should. When that heart gives you the glasses to see the world as it is for YOU. Not the glasses of the ones who set you on your path in a way that served them, or those who turned you from your road because of fear of their own road.

Your view is one of a wide open dirt path. Where the flowers bloom in the space you allow. Where possibility makes you giggle, not cower in fear. 

 What a gift to find our own paths. It isn't about being a sheep following the herd or about going against the grain just to prove something. It about hearing and listening  your own voice and intuition and going where it takes you- at times surrounded and at times in the quiet of your lonesomeness.

Follow that breath to your settled heart- no jitters, no pangs of fear and doubt- those are distractions trying to keep you from hearing your silence. Follow that breath because it will set you free.

Friends have always been a big part of my life- a social being is certainly an accurate label for me.

Yet the past 2 1/2 years have truly redefined the word 'friend' for me. 

A total overhaul took place. And out from the woodworks came friends I never dreamed I could have. The word doesn't even do these bonds justice. Pieces of my heart. Kindred spirits. Cheerleaders. Mentors. Life coaches. Fresh eyes. Warm hearts. Marathon supporters. Co-conspirators. Angels with large spreading wings. There's a good start.

My Sarah prepares her departure to the next chapter of her and her beautiful family's life.

Goodbye was non existent. Just wasn't able to tear that bandaid off and leave the pain exposed. So our autopilot kicked in...a true l'hitraot is what is in order here.

So much to say..learning how to say it.

As the Green Day song says..

Another turning point;

a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Time has come to tae the lessons learned and all the pain 

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Think the time is coming to take all the lessons learned, all the tears spilled and all that silly heartache and replant a whole new flower. Watch out world...this bud is ready to bloom anew....(yikes!)

The soundtrack

As I begin my blog, I want to introduce a project I've been mulling over.

Just as every great movie has an amazing soundtrack that makes your heart soar- with happiness, with sorrow with humor or with despair...each person should have their own soundtrack as well.

So here is the start of mine.....

my today song.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nleJZInNj7U

Moving On Rascal Flatts
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

New Beginnings....

    With the encouragement of my beautiful kindred spirit, Sarah, my blog begins.  Fear, excitement, trepidation and curiosity bubble as I write this first post.

Mmmmm- where to begin....

I choose not to start my story with the past because it no longer is.  I shed that skin. This blog will be a celebration of the development of my new skin- of all the possibilities and adventures yet to come. 

I'm Shari. That is all I know right now. And, at this moment..I'm learning how to let that be enough.